Current Situation Report
Actual Repairs Since Ownership
£570.83
Successfully invested in keeping Pierre alive!
✓ RESOLVED
Passenger Headrest Fixed!
Passenger headrest refused to stay upright. Applied strategic brute force engineering. Now stays in position perfectly. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best!
Total spent: £0.00
✓ RESOLVED
Key Emergency Resolved!
Original key finally gave up completely in a car park. Emergency locksmith heroically coded a brand new key. Pierre now has a proper, non-taped key for the first time in years!
Total spent: £239
✓ RESOLVED
Oil Leak Resolved!
After years of slow drips and various failed attempts, the persistent oil leak has been successfully addressed with the application of "Lucas Oil Engine Stop Leak" (£10.87). The leak has stopped, a momentous occasion in Pierre's history.
Total spent on leak: £68.86
✓ SUCCESS
2025 MOT Pass!
Against all odds, Pierre passed the MOT! After initial failure for headlamp and ball joints, all critical issues were fixed and Pierre sailed through on the second attempt. Still driving legally for another year!
Total spent: £230
✓ RESOLVED
LCD Display Percussive Maintenance!
After fixing the fuse, the LCD display still wouldn't always show. Applied carefully calibrated brute force to the dashboard. Display now works perfectly. Pierre responds well to firm encouragement!
Total spent: £0.00
✓ RESOLVED
Hub Caps Replaced!
Pierre was sporting mismatched hub caps (3 matching, 1 rebel from wrong model). Found a matching set from a Renault Clio that fit perfectly. Pierre finally has coordinated wheels!
Total spent: £19.99
✓ RESOLVED
Indicators & Instrument Panel Fixed!
Indicators and instrument panel suddenly stopped working completely. Diagnosed and fixed with a simple fuse replacement. Pierre's cheapest fix yet - a true victory!
Total spent: £0.99
✓ RESOLVED
Puncture Successfully Repaired!
Discovered a screw had found its way into the tyre. Successfully repaired with a plug repair kit. Another small victory in keeping Pierre on the road!
Total spent: £9.99
✓ RESOLVED
Headlight Fixed!
The driver's headlight was out due to a loose cable. The cable has been plugged back in, and the headlight is now fully functional. A rare free fix!
Total spent: £0.00
Critical
Seatbelts on Strike
Won't retract properly. Manual tucking required after each use. Adds vintage manual operation feel to safety equipment.
Concerning Feature
Hot Button Situation
Roof control button and its mysterious companion both generate concerning heat. Natural hand warmer feature or electrical fire waiting to happen?
Intermittent Drama
"Check Injection" Limp Mode
Randomly decides to enter fuel system protest mode. Limp mode engages usually at most inconvenient times. Clears itself after contemplation period.
Permanent Feature
ABS Light Exhibition
Constant amber glow provides dashboard ambiance. ABS may or may not work - adds excitement to emergency braking.
Weather Dependent
Windscreen Wiper Rebellion
Fail at maximum speed, stop mid-cycle for contemplation. Rain intensity directly correlates with failure probability.
Daily Challenge
Handbrake Lottery
Adjustment varies daily. Sometimes holds on flat, sometimes doesn't hold on hills. Keeps you alert when parking.
Total Window System Collapse
All Windows Inoperable
Driver window stuck slightly open (permanent ventilation + rain ingress), passenger window drops completely when touched. Pierre's windows are essentially decorative. Summer convertible by necessity, not choice.
Autonomous Feature
Self-Folding Mirrors
Wing mirrors randomly fold themselves, usually while driving. Adds aerodynamics unexpectedly. Manual unfolding required.
Entry Challenge
Sticky Door Handles
Require specific pull-and-hold technique. Different technique for each door. Passengers need training course.
DIY Access
Bonnet Cable Special
Release lever disconnected. Direct cable pull required through grille. Adds mechanical intimacy to maintenance.
Transmission Mystery
5th & 6th Gear Guessing Game
Selector gates undefined. Finding gear is exploratory process. Sometimes get 5th, sometimes 3rd. Keeps journeys interesting.
Weather Feature
Driver's Head Shower
Small roof leak directly above driver. Provides refreshing drips during rain. Free hair washing service included.
MOT Advisory Classic
Windscreen Crack
Advisory-level crack adding character. Growing slowly like a friendship. Will eventually need addressing.
Audio Excellence
All Speakers Blown
Every single speaker distorts above whisper level. Creates unique remix of all music. Rattles add percussion.
Climate Absence
AC Permanently Retired
Air conditioning gave up years ago. Windows don't work either. Summer sauna experience included free.
Comprehensive Cosmetic Issues
Battle Scars & Interior Archaeology
Multiple body paint chips and scratches telling stories of urban parking. Dashboard plastics cracking with age. Passenger seat torn, gear knob markings worn to hieroglyphics.
